Thoughts about leaving

There are a lot of things I feel about leaving Milan, which has been my home for the past 5 months. How does one exactly put into words the emotions? Sadness about leaving new friends, excitement about seeing old ones, a strange fear I can't quite come to terms with... but what is it? A fear of never coming back? A fear of not being understood when I come home? A fear of being forgotten? A fear of growing up too fast?

Coming here was a whirlwind. I was so sure after I started dating Nick I didn't even want to come here and was afraid to leave, but was also sure that it was what I had to do. It was what I had always wanted to do. Then of course the day that I get here, after an emotional goodbye and a long day of traveling, I was a wreck of sadness as I entered my room and was left all alone 5,000 miles away from my best friends. Seriously it is humorous to look back at my moment of complete sleep deprived, weary traveled weakness and the picture of myself I sent to Nick, along with the THINGS that I said about being here. For sheer entertainment value, I think I could have written the most emo song on the planet that day. I think I might have outdid even the most emo of emo bands when I sent him this picture: 

and described coming here as "the most expensive heartbreak".  

But then I decided to stay an extra month. And now I am what... scared to come home? I was scared to leave there to come here, now I'm scared to leave here to go there. How does that work? It seems as a college aged person I am leaving places right when I start to feel I fit in the most. It's scary. Hell, it's terrifying. It's tedious, it's difficult and it's worth every single tear. I am happy for that and grateful that I have the opportunity to experience so many different places as a home. I haven't really found one to be too much better than the other, they all have their own quirks, their own problems and their own specialities. But everywhere you go somethings are the same. People are mean, people are kind and you're just going to have to find where you fit in like any new place.

“The moon is a loyal companion.

It never leaves. It’s always there, watching, steadfast, knowing us in our light and dark moments, changing forever just as we do. Every day it’s a different version of itself. Sometimes weak and wan, sometimes strong and full of light. The moon understands what it means to be human.
Uncertain. Alone. Cratered by imperfections.” 
― Tahereh Mafi, Shatter Me

But there really never is a good time to say goodbye to something or somewhere that you love. So for now I suppose there's nothing left to do except abolish my one-gelato-a-day rule, because THERE ARE LESS THAN 2 WEEKS LEFT HERE NOW, which is less than 14 gelatoes, and that is not okay.  

So here's to endings or another word for new beginnings--

Ciao for now!